"To forgive is a divine attribute. It is to pardon or excuse someone from blame for an offense or misdeed."
Just recently there have been a few incidents that have involved my family and I. Incidents we had no control over. I tried to search for answers as to WHY it happened, but came up empty handed. Empty handed and hurtfully angry. Hurtfully angry at those who did us wrong. What did WE do to them for them to act like this? So bitter towards us. WHY? Whatever their reason(s) being, it is beyond our control. Beyond our control so why let it control [us], right? I've learned: it's much easier said than done.
So why is my post titled forgiveness if I still have feelings of anger and irritation? Well because I.am.human...but just because I'm human, doesn't mean I am going to use that as an excuse to hold on to these fractious feelings I have inside of me. Of course that would be the EASY thing, but fact is; Life ain't easy. Let alone doing what's right. It's NEVER easy. But it IS worth it. SO worth it. And THAT is what gives me strength to turn the other cheek and [try] to be more Christlike.
Growing up it was SO easy for me to forgive those who did me wrong. It was in a way, kind of a bad thing. A bad thing because I was so forgiving that people used it to their advantage and would continue to do me wrong because they knew I'd forgive them. Sad huh? What's even sadder is that I've changed. I'm not as forgiving as I use to be. I mean, I still forgive...just not as easily as I did before. I guess I didn't realize it but I let myself give into that humanly frame of mind. I let the anger and bitterness of those who did me wrong because I ALWAYS forgave, rub off on me. I let myself hold grudges now. I let myself have vengeful thoughts of those who misdid me. I let myself be human. Is that so wrong?!
Honestly, YES! It is. Very much so, if you ask me. Why? Well because, I went from being SO forgiving to just being able to forgive. I let myself go from NOT being able to hold a grudge (NO MATTER WHAT), to holding a grudge for a day or two and sometimes...and then some. I went from everyday trying to find the good in everyone I came in contact with, to having thoughts of anger and vengeance to those who mistreated me. So for ME, I have taken 2 steps backwards. BUT I am glad I realized it before it was too late or before it would be much harder for me to regain those 2 steps that I lost.
I had a very humbling experience not too long ago: the inspiration for this blog post. I couldn't sleep, so I called my parents on Skype. I called them with the intent of letting them see Rush (even though she was already sleeping) and seeing how their day was going. Well, they got to see Rush...and we talked about how our days' went...but it soon turned into a topic I had a hard time with. The topic had to do with one of the people who wronged us. But MY dad, being the forgiving, great, positive, humble man that he is; still wanted to help them.
MY first response was, "NO! Don't help them! Why are you gonna help them when they did blah blah blah to us!? I know its the 'right' thing to do but that's SO MESSED UP what they did to us!!!!" My dad answered with, "Kelcy, don't be like that. Don't be like them. Turn the other cheek and let it go." Tears of frustration poured down my face because I knew he was right, but I still had all this anger inside of me because what they did to us WAS MESSED UP!
As much as I want to explain my life some more and go into further detail as to exactly HOW messed up it actually is, I won't. As much as I want to put those people on blast or get even with them by giving them a piece of my vengeance filled mind, I won't.
I won't because instead, I will pray for them. I will pray for them and myself. I'll pray that they will forgive me and my family for WHATEVER we did to offend them and I will pray that the Lord helps us to forgive as well and to also abandon these feelings of anger, revenge and bitterness I have built up inside myself. For how do we expect the Lord to forgive us for our sins if we can't forgive others? So, I will forgive and I will leave the judging of others' harmful actions up to him.
So why is my post titled forgiveness if I still have feelings of anger and irritation? Well because I.am.human...but just because I'm human, doesn't mean I am going to use that as an excuse to hold on to these fractious feelings I have inside of me. Of course that would be the EASY thing, but fact is; Life ain't easy. Let alone doing what's right. It's NEVER easy. But it IS worth it. SO worth it. And THAT is what gives me strength to turn the other cheek and [try] to be more Christlike.
Growing up it was SO easy for me to forgive those who did me wrong. It was in a way, kind of a bad thing. A bad thing because I was so forgiving that people used it to their advantage and would continue to do me wrong because they knew I'd forgive them. Sad huh? What's even sadder is that I've changed. I'm not as forgiving as I use to be. I mean, I still forgive...just not as easily as I did before. I guess I didn't realize it but I let myself give into that humanly frame of mind. I let the anger and bitterness of those who did me wrong because I ALWAYS forgave, rub off on me. I let myself hold grudges now. I let myself have vengeful thoughts of those who misdid me. I let myself be human. Is that so wrong?!
Honestly, YES! It is. Very much so, if you ask me. Why? Well because, I went from being SO forgiving to just being able to forgive. I let myself go from NOT being able to hold a grudge (NO MATTER WHAT), to holding a grudge for a day or two and sometimes...and then some. I went from everyday trying to find the good in everyone I came in contact with, to having thoughts of anger and vengeance to those who mistreated me. So for ME, I have taken 2 steps backwards. BUT I am glad I realized it before it was too late or before it would be much harder for me to regain those 2 steps that I lost.
I had a very humbling experience not too long ago: the inspiration for this blog post. I couldn't sleep, so I called my parents on Skype. I called them with the intent of letting them see Rush (even though she was already sleeping) and seeing how their day was going. Well, they got to see Rush...and we talked about how our days' went...but it soon turned into a topic I had a hard time with. The topic had to do with one of the people who wronged us. But MY dad, being the forgiving, great, positive, humble man that he is; still wanted to help them.
MY first response was, "NO! Don't help them! Why are you gonna help them when they did blah blah blah to us!? I know its the 'right' thing to do but that's SO MESSED UP what they did to us!!!!" My dad answered with, "Kelcy, don't be like that. Don't be like them. Turn the other cheek and let it go." Tears of frustration poured down my face because I knew he was right, but I still had all this anger inside of me because what they did to us WAS MESSED UP!
As much as I want to explain my life some more and go into further detail as to exactly HOW messed up it actually is, I won't. As much as I want to put those people on blast or get even with them by giving them a piece of my vengeance filled mind, I won't.
I won't because instead, I will pray for them. I will pray for them and myself. I'll pray that they will forgive me and my family for WHATEVER we did to offend them and I will pray that the Lord helps us to forgive as well and to also abandon these feelings of anger, revenge and bitterness I have built up inside myself. For how do we expect the Lord to forgive us for our sins if we can't forgive others? So, I will forgive and I will leave the judging of others' harmful actions up to him.
love this post kelc--forgiveness is something i always tend to overlook, something i am working hard to be better at. thanks for the reminder! xo
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